My kids keep a long list of items in their heads for future birthdays and Christmas gifts.
For themselves.
The list usually starts and ends with “cell phone,” but my wife and I are still holding strong on that front. OK, “strong” is a strong word for it.
While it’s often helpful to know my kids can easily answer the, “What do you want for your birthday?” question, I’m disappointed in their ability to do the same for their friends. Especially when it’s time for me to buy one of those friends a present for their birthday party.
My 9-year-old daughter spends HOURS every day with her best friend at school. They play together on weekends and after school as well. Presumably, she should know the likes and dislikes of her best friend. Right?
After 75 excruciating minutes at Target, I now know my daughter apparently NEVER speaks to her best friend about anything that can be distilled into a $20-30 birthday present.
Me at the store with my daughter, shopping for her friend a day before the party: “What sorts of things does she like?”
Her: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Well, what do you two like to play when you’re at her house? Does she ever say something that she wants?
Her: “I don’t know.”
Me: “She will probably like anything that you like.”
Her: “No.”
To my daughter’s credit (and after about 15 minutes walking down the toy aisles), she eventually remembered something useful.
Her: “She loves adorable stuffies.”
Perfect. Target has plenty of adorable stuffed animals. I know this because my oldest son keeps an inventory of all the new Squishmallows available, including the ones that are “first to market” at Target. It’s weird that my 10-year-old knows the concept of “first to market.”
I directed my daughter to the Squishmallows.
“These are all adorable,” I said.
Her: “No. I don’t think so.”
Another 15 minutes pass. We eventually circle around to the same aisle and she selects a pink, fluffy animal of some kind (just not a Squishmallow).
Her: “This is perfect. She will LOVE this.”
Fantastic. Time to go. Or so I thought.
We spent another five minutes looking for a price scanner that worked. Because of course she picked a toy out of its proper location on the shelf. We tried the scanner at the edge of the toy aisle. Blank screen. We walked over to the one near sporting goods. “This item is not recognized in the system. Please bring item to register.” Ha, no. I won’t be conned into purchasing a $50 stuffed animal.
Finally, we found another scanner near a bedding aisle that scanned correctly. $9.99.
Her: “Ok, that means I need to find something else that’s 10 dollars.”
Back to the toy aisles. Another 20 minutes at least.
My daughter finally found a water bottle she really liked for $5.
Her: “I think I’ll use my own money and buy this for myself.”
She brought her own money?! How about she spends $5 of her money on her friend and I’ll spend the $5 I’m saving on either some mango-flavored cashews or Dot’s seasoned pretzels.*
*This space is still available for advertising. I can be compensated with food.
After thinking about getting her friend a mini-Lite Brite for 10 minutes, my daughter found a diary with a lock and key … the exact same one she owned herself and knew her friend liked.
She also found some $5 mystery reveal slimy dealie that, in my opinion, is about as valuable as lighting a $5 bill on fire, but, hey, my daughter thought her friend will like it.
We finally left Target after about half a day. We forgot to buy a gift bag or wrapping paper. All for a party I don’t get to attend for a kid whose last name escapes me. Maybe I should wrap the present in the print version of this column. I want credit for tribulations.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 6-12. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.