Lake Saint Louis dad forms clothing line inspired by his transgender daughter

The co-owner of St. Louis Wine Market in Chesterfield had worked in hospitality for 25 years when he leapt into fashion design.

“I could not sew a button,” said Bender, of Lake Saint Louis.

Now, he’s at the helm of a five-piece clothing line for kids, spurred by a paucity of stretchy-pant options for his younger daughter, who is transgender. Lion+Owl officially launched last month, one of a small but growing number of online merchants that specializes in “gender-blurring” apparel.

The clothing industry, long dominated by cookie-cutter trends, has been broadening its lens in recent years: Adaptive features, like one-handed zippers and magnetic buttons, make getting dressed easier for people with limited mobility. Tags and seams are being reengineered to reduce sensory discomfort. Smart textiles can be used to monitor a person’s vital signs.

“It’s exciting what’s happening,” said Emily Lane of Stars Design Group, a clothing production firm in Soulard that worked with Bender. “There’s so much possibility.”

For transgender and nonbinary youngsters, what they wear — the colors, the tailoring — can determine if the world will see them the way they see themselves. But in recent years, their sartorial decisions have become especially fraught. Clothing, as with library books, classroom decorations and bathrooms, has been the subject of heated political exchanges over LGBTQ+ representation.

A few big-box retailers, such as Old Navy and H&M, now advertise gender-neutral wardrobe staples — but the category can be a dicey one, even for established brands. Brick-and-mortar shops are usually laid out with a physical division between items designated for male and female shoppers. Sizing standards are different.

And in-store displays have become flashpoints. Target scaled back its Pride Month merchandise this year after threats and vandalism in some locations in June of 2023.

Complete Harmony yoga studio in Maplewood hosted a clothing swap in March for trans- and queer-identifying youth. Owner Melissa Dierker had heard from parents of her young clients that they needed help filling out their wardrobes — an expensive and overwhelming undertaking after a gender transition.

An Instagram post about the event drew hate-filled comments. Dierker, who has a transgender daughter, did not announce the date or time and asked families to preregister so they could be vetted in advance.

The vigilance was worth it. About 70 kids left the Complete Harmony swap with new-to-them shirts, skirts, makeup and shoes.

The right outfit elicits confidence and a sense of belonging, said Dierker.

“You can hide certain features,” she said. “You can add certain features.”

Bender is not the first dad to form a clothing line inspired by his child. Jamie Alexander of Toronto started Rubies in 2019. His transgender daughter wanted to wear a swimsuit without feeling self-conscious.

“There were products for adults but very few for children,” said Alexander, whose daughter was 11 at the time.

It took about a dozen iterations to land on a design for swim bottoms that were camouflaging without being constricting.

Sales have increased “substantially” each year, Alexander said. Rubies swimsuits and shapewear have been sold to customers in more than 40 countries, but its biggest market is the United States.

“There’s all kinds of room for different products and brands,” Alexander said.

It’s an emerging market: Though a tiny overall sliver of the population, Americans who identify as transgender or nonbinary jumped from 1.4 million in 2018 to 1.6 million in 2022, according to an analysis by the Williams Institute, a public policy research group at UCLA. The biggest surge has been among people younger than 25.

Bender’s 10-year-old daughter, who will be in fifth grade in the fall, “has always been this way,” her father said.

As a kindergartner, she grew her hair out long. In second grade, she switched to she/her pronouns. Her teachers and schoolmates have been supportive. So has her extended family.

But one thing nagged at her father. His daughter wanted to wear leggings, like her friends, but Bender and his wife couldn’t find any that fit well.

Bender was talking about the dilemma at the wine shop one day a couple years ago. A sales representative, who had a daughter who worked in fashion, overheard the conversation. Connections were made. Within a few weeks, Bender was taking his first meeting.

He and the team at Stars Design Group outlined goals. The leggings would be constructed without a center seam. They needed to be stretchy but durable, so they could stand up to the wear-and-tear of the elementary-school set. The fabric couldn’t be too heavy or too thin. And itchy tags were a no-no.

“The idea is to make clothes for all kids,” Bender said, with a target age range of 5 to 12.

Designer Claire Thomas-Morgan leaned on “visual tricks,” like color blocking and panels along the sides of the legs. The team settled on three main hues: pink, blue and navy. And Bender periodically checked in with both of his daughters and their friends.

“What would be your perfect outfit?” he would ask them.

The team drafted patterns — a process that took months — using hundreds of measurement points. They selected the fabric from tens of thousands of swatches.

As the $54 “all-day leggings” came together, Bender decided to add jogger pants, hoodies and T-shirts, priced from $29 to $69. Each piece would include a hidden reminder to “be brave,” sewn inside the waistband or collar.

By then, the company was officially called Lion+Owl, after the two Bender girls’ nicknames. Last December, Lion+Owl joined Kickstarter to raise money for the initial order.

“This is the start of something big,” the introduction on the crowdfunding site read. “A new line of clothes that give kiddos the freedom to express themselves without gender expectations.”

Dozens of backers helped Lion+Owl surpass its $15,000 goal by more than $1,000.

This month, the first shipment arrived — 7,500 pieces to be sorted, packaged and mailed out from the Benders’ basement, each with a handwritten note.

Bender plans to eventually add sizing options and expand the Lion+Owl selection to include beanies, shorts and undergarments.

So far, all the feedback he has received has been positive. But he is realistic enough to know that there will be critics.

He has his response ready.

“We’re just making clothes,” Bender said. “Clothes that allow kids to be brave and confident and to succeed.”