Did you just feel the shift in your heart? That’s compassion!
Some things never go out of style. Kindness is one of them. And science explains why.
Kindness Begins With You, For You
First of all, “kindness starts with being kind to yourself,” states Harvard Medical School’s Harvard Health Publishing. The article, “The Heart and Science of Kindness,” explains that our pressure-filled environment sets us up for mistreating ourselves – and as a result, others – noting that “it’s easy to work through lunch, work through dinner, and respond to emails at 11 p.m.” Sound familiar?
Not surprisingly, this work-work-work mentality can cause us to be tired, cranky and stressed out, “making others the target of the anger or frustration or disappointment that we really feel about ourselves.” Guilty? Me, too!
Compassion is Kindness in Action
When someone snaps at us, resorts to a mean comment or biting sarcasm, it’s tempting to address nastiness with nastiness. But here’s how we rise above this primal response: Discipline. Yup. It takes an intentional effort and a visit from our higher selves to not take bad behavior personally.
As the article asks, “If you knew that your coworker delivering the curt response to a question or the snarky critique of a project had recently learned of a serious illness in their family, wouldn’t you cut them some slack?”
Did you just feel the shift in your heart? That’s compassion! And that’s what we can practice. If we consider the other person and their invisible pain, we can more easily let go of the perceived attack on us and respond with concern: perhaps by sincerely asking about their day; or by brightening it with a favorite cookie or flower.
Of course this takes effort, but it’s good for us, too! Science says so.
Even Observing Acts of Kindness Makes Us Feel Good
Not that we need research to verify this, but Harvard cites a study by researchers Lee Rowland and Oliver Scott Curry about happiness measured before and after a seven-day experiment on individuals who practiced deliberate acts of kindness every day for a week. It showed that we can boost our own happiness and that kindness is not biased.
Whether we are kind to our friends or strangers, it doesn’t matter, we become happier. It also doesn’t matter if we simply watch someone being kind – perhaps noticing someone slip a grocery shopper a few extra bucks when they come up short at the cash register.
In and Out with Kindness
If you haven’t experienced much of this lately, allow me to share this Halmark-esque holiday story.
We may all know someone who experiences sadness during the holiday season because they have lost a loved one at this time of year. That insidious sadness tried to worm its way into my family last month. One member lost his best friend a week before Christmas. The two were inseparable and were the center of each other’s lives.
When it became inevitable that this 13-year-old dog needed to be relieved of his suffering, his broken-hearted owner had one request – a last supper, an unseasoned pup patty from In and Out Burger for the pet. An easy, but important, request to satisfy, right?
Unbeknownst to us, the veterinarian appointment was in the morning, before In and Out opened! As I sat in the empty parking lot outside the burger location at I-17 and Carefree Highway, I knew I had to try to get that pup patty cooked and in my hands for the most important supper of this grieving pair’s relationship. So, calling the store and begging a favor would be easy, right? I was prepared to pay 10 times the normal amount for a single patty.
Sadly, the only phone number I could find was an 800 number. Doesn’t your heart just sink when all you have is an 800 number, as you envision robotic systems, long wait times and a circus of transferred calls?
Miraculously, wherever this 800 number rings at In and Out headquarters – perhaps the North Pole – a lovely woman answered the call. Immediately and in person! Panicking and grieving myself, I quickly explained the situation. She said, “Let me put you on hold.”
Ugh. Funny how those words can sap your hope.
However, within seconds, the doors of the locked In and Out Burger flew open with a smiling, meticulously uniformed associate greeting me through my car window. And, I was no longer on hold! I was given the name of the manager inside and directed to go on in.
Immediately upon entering, the kind, young manager gently asked how many pup burgers I would need. Holding back tears, I was able to whisper, “Just one, please.” He responded with, “I already have two on the grill, is that OK? No charge.”
No more holding back tears! Within minutes, he served them, carefully wrapped and lovingly presented on a cardboard tray with a warm smile.
Now, in my experience, In and Out Burger has always been at the top of the food chain for customer service on a normal day, but on this day, before opening to the public, busy workers stopped what they were doing to come out in full view and give me a smile. Their kindness and concern for our dying pet and our grieving family made me cry.
Since that day, I have shared that story of compassion with a lot of people. I also returned later through the drive-thru (anonymously) to purchase In and Out Burger gift certificates for holiday and birthday gifts.
Acts of Kindness Have Power
Unexpected acts of kindness live on in our hearts. They heal, they soothe, they have the power to elevate a season of sadness into one of gratitude, even when they aren’t directed toward us! And in business, research shows that we want to buy goods and services from companies that practice kindness.
As we begin this new year, it will be beneficial for our hearts to remember that kindness is good for us and good for business. Science says so. FBN
Bonnie Stevens is the editor of FBN. She is a career journalist and public relations consultant. She can be reached at bonnie.stevens@gmail.com.