Holiday shopping doesn’t have to be stressful

For many people, this time of year is all about the shopping. And there’s a fair chance many feel less than joyful about the prospect.

If fulfilling your lengthy list feels overwhelming, learning what brain science and evolutionary psychology say about shopping and gift-giving might help you understand exactly why you’re stressed—and even point you toward a healthier, happier holiday season.

Our reactions are encoded into our nervous system, said Dr. Beth Frates, a part-time associate professor in the department of physical medicine and rehabilitation at Harvard Medical School in Boston.

“By understanding these brain responses, people can develop strategies to manage stress better, such as setting realistic expectations, focusing on mindfulness and simplifying holiday preparations,” said Frates, who also is the immediate past president of the American College of Lifestyle Medicine.

The idea of exchanging gifts at this time of year can be traced back to pagan solstice celebrations. But the drive to share with another is as old as humanity itself, said Dr. Diego Guevara Beltran, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at the University of Arizona in Tucson who studies cooperation and generosity.

The science of generosity is more about survival than stocking stuffers, Guevara Beltran said. Sharing food gave early humans an evolutionary advantage. “Generosity is just one of the ways by which we can accumulate resources, be it wealth itself or friendships or work partners or more attractive, more intelligent mates,” he said.

Sharing with other people, Guevara Beltran said, is “a signal that communicates how much you value them, their welfare, your relationship with them.” Research has shown that helping people makes us feel good. Part of that, he said, is because when someone is part of a community, they feel protected.

One way this manifests is through the act of giving gifts. But to derive happiness from gift-giving, the giver needs to feel both that it was not an obligation and that it was effective, according to the 2019 World Happiness Report.

That means it could be stressful to be in a culture where gift-giving feels mandatory, or if we can’t see that a gift helped someone, Guevara Beltran speculated. It also might be stressful if gift-giving becomes a competition to show that you care about somebody more than the others around them.

Our brains on shopping

Stressful shopping can cause several physiological responses to kick in, Frates said.

First is the “fight or flight” reaction that comes with stress. The release of chemicals that increase our heart rate, raise our blood pressure and intensify our breathing evolved to give us bursts of energy to escape danger.

Frates said that while holiday stressors are not life-threatening, they can still trigger the stress response.

The pressure to stay within budget could create a sense of scarcity, she said. “This taps into an evolutionary response, where the fear of losing resources like money can feel urgent and distressing.”

The holiday season also involves a lot of choices. “The brain has limited capacity for decision-making, and making multiple decisions can lead to decision fatigue,” Frates said. “This fatigue reduces the ability to self-regulate and cope, which can lead to heightened stress responses when confronted with even minor setbacks, like a long line or out-of-stock item.”

The stress of needing to complete tasks within a limited time can intensify the fight-or-flight response, she said, as the brain interprets the ticking clock as a sense of urgency or threat.

Meanwhile, Frates said, holiday shopping can also trigger brain chemicals that affect our feelings. “Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, is released when we anticipate something exciting or enjoyable, like finding a great gift or finding a good deal,” she said. “This anticipation can feel rewarding even before any actual purchase is made.”

For some people, this dopamine boost can make shopping a relaxing experience. “It provides a temporary distraction from other stressors and allows them to focus on something positive, creating a ‘holiday high,'” Frates said.

For some people, that can be problematic. “When shopping becomes a way to chase that next dopamine hit, it can lead to excessive spending or impulsive purchases,” she said. “This can become a trap, particularly during the holidays, when deals, sales and gift-giving pressures are everywhere.”

Understanding how all these processes work can help people recognize why they feel the way they do and adopt strategies to cope, Frates said. Here are some of her suggestions.

1. Start with self-care before shopping

Prioritizing self-care means people can be their best selves and make good decisions, Frates said. So, “eat food that is delicious and nutritious. Get seven to nine hours of sleep. Make sure to enjoy physical activity. Take walks when you can and invite friends along. Practice stress reduction like meditation or yoga to help you calm your body and mind.”

Before going shopping, try taking deep breaths using stress-relieving techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing (inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for seven counts, and exhale through your mouth for eight) or box breathing (inhale through the nose for four counts, hold your breath for four, exhale for four, then hold for four).

2. Be strategic

Don’t shop when you’re hungry, tired, lonely or stressed, Frates said. And don’t start shopping 15 minutes before a store closes or a website’s online deals end, she said. That’s setting yourself up for triggering the fight-or-flight response.

3. Be mindful

Before making a purchase, take a moment to consider whether it’s truly needed or whether it’s an impulsive choice.

To avoid overindulging, set a specific budget or limit yourself to a couple of hours or specific shopping days. “This keeps dopamine-driven spending in check while still allowing for the enjoyable aspects of holiday shopping,” Frates said.

Look for post-shopping activities that provide rewards without the financial cost. That can satisfy your brain’s desire for more dopamine in a healthier way. “Plan enjoyable, stress-relieving activities after shopping, like going for a walk, spending time with friends or indulging in a hobby,” she said.

4. Bring a friend

Not only does this support healthy social connections, Frates said, but if things start feeling stressful, “you have a buddy, and you have a support system right there for you.”

5. Rethink the focus of the season

“With gift-giving, we need to change mindsets in order to be able to manage the stress,” Frates said. The holidays could be used to emphasize social connections, she said.

“Thinking about the connection with the person and making gift-giving more about deepening the connection than anything else, I think, will really help to reduce the stress around the process,” she said.

So, instead of scouring shops and websites for the “perfect” gift, think about making a meaningful and personal one, she suggested. It could be a poem, a painting, a song or a framed photograph that captured a special time.

6. Lessons for children

It’s easy to get caught up in the hunt for a hard-to-get item, Frates said. But ask yourself what the holiday means in your family’s traditions. “Is it about getting that perfect gift for the child? Or is it about celebrating the meaning of that holiday?”

So, instead of having children ask for one specific toy, or a specific brand of clothing, teach them to leave a little leeway on their lists.

“It is a good reminder to express to children that this season is about giving and sharing what we can in the best way that we can,” she said, “and sometimes the exact gift is not available.”

Encouraging such an attitude can be a tall order, Frates said, but it’s a place to start. “A simple mindset shift could be the difference between a stressful holiday shopping season or a joyful journey to find meaningful gifts for people you care about.”

2024 American Heart Association, Inc., distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC