A year ago, I had zero intention of ever entering into a long distance relationship (again…again). I found them difficult and doomed from the start, a lesbian stereotype better left in the past. And then I met my current girlfriend, with whom I am coming up on one year of being together, all of which has been long-distance. We are culminating that milestone with me doing the unthinkable: moving to Dallas where she lives. It has been a beautiful, adventurous, strange, and funny year, both within our relationship and outside of it, and I have learned a lot about what it means to be in a long-distance relationship. And because I did that, now you don’t have to! Here are some important lessons I learned from this experiment:
Podcasts Are Extinct — Just Call Your Yappy Girlfriend
In the past year, not once have I had to open my Podcasts app. When I feel like listening to another person talk for 20-45 minutes about either one very specific topic or a smorgasbord of connected microniches, I just call up my girlfriend. It’s like if the Podcasts app had a shuffle button or a mystery bag choice of its entire collection. Am I going to hear about how she predicted the meteoric rise of Chappell Roan, how people in her TikTok comments are being antagonistic and, more importantly, wrong, or about how the US should put more money into our public transit systems? I’ve learned so much from these non-conversations and gotten many chores around the house done with their help.
Access to Queer Drama in Twice As Many Cities
Have you ever spent time in your local queer community and thought, “Wow, I just wish these lesbians were causing more drama.” Well, when you date someone long-distance, you get twice as many iterations of lesbians being extremely messy! Thanks to my girlfriend, I not only know whose friend is dating their ex’s ex who is also my hairdresser specializing in shag-mullets. I also know the polycule of lesbians that holds the bar scene together is facing cheating allegations, which always feels especially dramatic and inconvenient in a polyamorous space. Double the fun, minus the risk of having to pick sides between your vegan cheese vendor and your gay bar’s emcee.
The US’ Car Culture and Highway Infrastructure Is Evil
While I’m grateful my girlfriend and I are only four hours apart and in the same time zone (which wouldn’t even be considered an LDR by veteran dykes), driving to and fro only proved to me that cars and highways are evil. Why does Dallas need to exist at the whims of a spider web of concrete roads when we could just fund a high-speed rail? The power the automotive industry has on this country is diabolical. Why can’t I easily take a train to see my lover, passing by lush fields of green and writing silly little poems as I do so? Yes, there is a train from Austin to Dallas, but it is six hours and I love to complain!
Buc-ee’s Is a Great Rest Stop
On the other side of that coin, Texas has definitely done one thing right, and it’s Buc-ee’s. That gluttonous, megalomaniac beaver knows how to make a damn gas station! I’ve heard much contention surrounding the ultimate crown of truck stops — Love’s has some loyal members, and Wawa has devotees like an ancient king — but nothing makes me feel more at home than the capitalist theme park that is a Buc-ee’s BBQ sandwich.
It’s a Great Thing to Exploit for Content for Autostraddle
As my wonderful editor Kayla once told me, “we really like LDR content at Autostraddle.” One could say this relationship then is a business agreement as much as a romance — not only does my girlfriend provide me with a sense of safety and reassurance of my worth, but she helps me sign my checks, too.
When Shit Gets Rough, This Is the Person I Want By My Side
My girlfriend and I, a few weeks shy of our one-year anniversary and shortly after the US presidential election, made the decision to move in together. What we both realized, in the wake of political violence and terrifying unknowns, is that what matters most is who we keep close. We spent a year learning about each other, getting to know each other, loving and taking care of each other. Now more than ever, the people who do that are who we should be trying to keep close. Not just our lovers, but our communities at large: through mutual aid, political organizing, and just being a damn good friend. The powers that be will not love us, they will not save us, but we can do that for one another. In the wake of this, my girlfriend and I recognized that whatever the distance, we are one another’s rock — we are one another’s ship on a rocky ocean, and the anchor and the sails. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.