In ELLE’s new column, Ask the AstroTwins, our resident astrologers take on your burning questions about the cosmos. To start, they tackle an age-old debate: What is the worst zodiac sign of all?
As astrologers, people regularly want us to weigh in on this tricky question. Tell us honestly. Come on, you must have an opinion. What’s the worst zodiac sign?
The inquisitive soul rarely waits for our thoughts before offering their own nominees for this dubious award. The people most often thrown under the bus are Scorpios, who seduce with the power of a siren, then crash you into the rocks with their icy manipulations and scandal-riddled pasts. Second in line are charismatic, duplicitous Geminis. They smile in your face and plot a coup behind your back—all while shagging your best friend on the side. Or so the story goes.
We understand that this line of questioning is a protective strategy. It makes sense. If you know which signs to avoid, you won’t waste hours in a bad romance or a contract that devolves into a tangled legal affair, right? Ah, if only it were that simple.
Pollyanna-ish as this might sound, there are good and bad traits to every zodiac sign. Get to know a person long enough, and they’ll prove it to you. There’s a reason they say familiarity breeds contempt. And after analyzing thousands of people’s charts, we can report that no star sign is exempt from this rule.
Nurturing Cancers with their maternal instincts can also be needy and smothering one minute, then punishingly absent when you fail to pick up on their veiled emotional cues. Saintly Virgos might step up to spearhead every toy drive and relief fund, but woe betide the person who gets caught under the critical lens of their microscope. No, Virgo, I didn’t realize that wearing skinny jeans to a painting party was a punishable offense.
Aries are the trailblazers who leave us in awe, both with their achievements and their breathtaking sense of entitlement. Same goes for the status-conscious Capricorn who always has the VIP hookup but will make you feel smaller than a tick on your golden doodle’s back if they don’t deem you worthy of their plus-one ticket.
Diplomatic Libras are far gentler in their judgmental style, which is why they nearly manage to defy the “worst sign” categorization. But with their lavish tastes, they can get expensive fast, going from treasured guest to persona non grata on your Chesterfield sofa.
Pisces weep for the sorrows of the world, then pull you down into an abyss of guilt and obligation after making another unsolicited “sacrifice” on your behalf. Just as you’re prostrating yourself, you discover they’re secretly married or are moving to London in two weeks.
Sagittarius, the eternal optimist, rushes in for the save, performing heroic acts for every stranger stuck on the side of the road. But when it comes to their BFFs and family, there’s a 50/50 chance they’ll show up for your party, much less remember it’s your birthday to begin with!
Not to worry, because festive Leo will always remember, marking each occasion with a thoughtfully chosen gift. Just don’t you dare say “no” to them when they need something in return. They will throw a tantrum and make sure you rue the day.
Sensible Taurus lures you into their elegant web of comfort and companionship—but wait, where do you think you’re going? Possession is nine-tenths of the law for this sign, and once they’ve declared you “mine,” you’re playing by the Bull’s formal rules.
Maybe a chill Aquarius would be more your speed, with their “live and let live” brand of cool? Sure. Just don’t encroach on their liberated approach to everything, from repaying student loans to monogamy, or you’ll be iced out quickly.
Now that we’ve dragged the entire zodiac, we hope you’ll see that the race to the bottom is fair game for all. Before you count your lucky stars for finally dating someone besides those “two-faced Geminis,” know that there will come a day when you might just long for the Twin’s JV-level tricks instead of Capricorn’s cunning labyrinth of deceit and denial. It’s all a matter of taste.